Saturday, June 5, 2010

Time

Isn't time an unusual thing? When you want it to pass slowly, it always seems to go by much too quickly. But when you want time to speed up, it seems like torture watching the minutes tick by. That has been my life the last month or so. There have definitely been some times of relief but the majority of my days have been spent listening to the loud TICK TOCK of a dreadful, ominous clock in my head. The culprit? Morning sickness.

I found out May 6th that I was pregnant with baby Nilsen #2. I had been ridiculously over emotional that week and knew something may be up. So I was on the phone with my friend Crystal and being newly pregnant herself, had a bunch of pregnancy tests available and offered to run one by. I was in disbelief as I took the first test and the two little pink lines showed up in two seconds flat. Since she had brought two tests with her, I just had to take the second one to double confirm. I've never been one to chart or keep track of what my body was doing but on the other hand, we weren't preventing getting pregnant so it could be possible. So I took the second test. And the same result, just as quickly. Crystal was hysterical, jumping up and down in my kitchen hugging me! But I felt very strange. Caught off guard a bit. But after she left and I had time to let it all sink it, I was elated! I knew Steve would be home soon so I put the tests on the box and cleared everything off in the kitchen except for the box. He came in and there was nothing. Just silence. I peeked around the corner and he was wearing the biggest grin. If you know my husband, you know he's a smiley guy. But this smile, it was extra special. He was so proud. And he asked, "Are those yours?!" I confirmed. We got to spend time together that night by going out to dinner, then to Target to get prenatals :)

So all was well at 4 1/2 weeks pregnant but I gave it a couple weeks and the sickness came in like a bull. I didn't experience much morning sickness with Audrey. I do remember having a hard time brushing my teeth because of heightened gag reflexes but that was about it. I was also working full time out of the home so that was a big distraction as well. With a lull of about 5 days where I could eat small meals and actually get up and do normal things, the last 4 weeks have been spent on the couch. Some days I can eat crackers, some days cereal. Other days, I try to get adventurous and go for noodles or something more substantial but then sometimes my body doesn't agree with it.

It really has been a test. I wait until the very last moment to get up for I know I have a little girl in the other room that needs me to get her breakfast. As I sit here crying (yes, over emotional I am) I think back to the last month and how Audrey has been such a sweet, caring, loving and content two year old. She now refers to the couch as "Mama's couch bed". When I'm resting, she comes and kisses my head and makes sure I'm covered up. When I get up to get something to drink or go to the bathroom, she enthusiastically says, "Mama all done?" Some days I just don't have the energy to fix her lunch, the other day she had cheese and crackers and was pretty excited to have a snack lunch :) She really has been great. We've explained to her that I have a new baby in my tummy and even though I know she doesn't completely understand, I think she gets it a little. It's amazing at such a young age she already knows how to be a comfort.

Another amazing blessing to me has been my loving husband. He works 10 hour days and comes home to no dinner on the table most nights because I can't bear to smell anything cooking. He's been eating lots of Ramon and frozen pizza :) He has been so helpful with Audrey and with house duties that I've had to neglect. He's been grocery shopping and took Audrey to the library last week. You really have been so wonderful and I am so thankful for you, Steve! You're the best husband and baby daddy I could ever ask for :)

I think I'm about 9 weeks pregnant so I'm praying that there are only a few weeks left before I start feeling normal again. I know that a lot of women have it much worse that I do and I am very grateful that I am able to keep most of my food down. I know at this early on, it's not what I'm eating but that I'm eating something. This month has been long and hard to endure but I know that I'm feeling this way for a very good reason. I have a sweet, little life growing inside of me. What a blessing!! I have been tempted to get angry some days, frustrated at feeling this way and desperately hoping it would pass. But God has met me, has been giving me strength and endurance to run this race. Most days, I haven't had the energy or desire to read. But I've missed God's Word so much. I am looking forward to spending more time with the Lord soon. But these verses I've been clinging too and they continue to minister to my soul:

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope

Romans 5:3-4


I have an ultrasound this Thursday (June 10th) to get a precise due date. I am very much looking forward to that and to be able to see our new little sprout :)

Oh and for those of you who have been asking, no news on the house being up for sale. No showings in the last couple months. We dropped the price about a month ago and no action. Lots going on in our lives. Please keep us in your prayers.




3 comments:

Jeanie said...

I've been thinking of you often!! Praying for your little one(s), for you to feel better soon and for encouragement for your soul! I wish I could come take Audrey for you one morning...so glad she's doing so well. The one and only "good thing" about this morning sickness is your little one growing healthy inside you!

Anne said...

Dena, thanks for sharing all of this so openly! What a blessing from the Lord Audrey's sweet patience is. She is truly a precious little girl! I miss seeing you around!

I would LOVE to come take Audrey out for the morning. Would that be helpful? I am free any Mon/Wed/Fri morning. You can let me know on FB:)

... said...

I prayed for ya tonite, ma friend.

Tho it's not easy, you're right, God's got good in it. Remember He loves you, D. He loves you so much more than you know, so you can trust Him and entrust your little girl and new baby and stevo to Him tho you'd rather do more for them yourself.

i love ya girl